How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
