I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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