I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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