oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
