I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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