We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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