I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
