ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something