Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.