allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize