am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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