I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
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Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
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Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office