The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed