You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
