My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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