Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this will be a night to untag.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
