around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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