my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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