I'm so fucking centered right now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
