you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
