That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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