A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
