dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
