If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
