clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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