What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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