I wannas sexs uuuuu
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
