Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
