I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
