Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
