new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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