Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
