So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
