You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
