We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
