And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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