You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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