Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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