I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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