Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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