Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
