I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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