Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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