He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
