How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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