he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
