I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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