So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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