i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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