all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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