OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize