oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I deserve this hangover.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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