i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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