tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
