The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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