Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
