Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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