Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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