we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
