I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
