So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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