I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
