Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
