I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
