so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
