Banned from zoo.
Again?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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