did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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