put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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