Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
