i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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