Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it was like eating out sand paper
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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