I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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