I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
