I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
