You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
