Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
