can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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