I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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