hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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