Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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