I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
