3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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