my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
porn star boner night. come get it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
