i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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