Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
