I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
