It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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